💔Secrets ~ Victim to Overcomer
“You know how books have introductions before you even get into the book? Well, this was a Roman numeral page, and on it, a phrase jumped out at me as if it was written in neon! …”Family secrets no longer need to be hidden.” Well, I knew that I had a family secret! I was thirty-seven years old, and I had never told a soul, not my mother, not my father, not my lifelong girlfriend Linda, neither of my two husbands, nobody. Nobody knew. But in neon, those words were rebounding off the page at me…”Revealing family secrets.” Mine was a big, ugly family secret. Nobody ever tells you to keep it a secret; you just know, you just do.”
~ Page 41
“I think of all the energy it took to keep that secret, a secret, for all those years, decades. Finally, letting that sick secret out felt like a two-hundred pound weight of filth was lifted off me.”
~ Page 51
You are not the only one with secrets
~ Feel Free to Share Your Experience with Catherine ~
🧨Anger ~ Rage & Exasperation to Release & Peace
“My body was full of anger: anger - he was touching me, anger - no one noticed, anger - no one helped me, anger - he was getting away with it every time, anger - at not wanting to be a girl, anger - at myself for knowingly keeping his secret, anger - at how my personality was becoming negatively distorted, anger - at how other people viewed me, anger - at the wedge he put between my sister and me, anger - that everybody thought Bill was such a nice guy, anger - at the fact that my own mother agreed.
That was a lot of anger for a young child to carry…everyday.”
~ Page 47
Pretending you are not angry is unhealthy for us
Feel Free to Release Your Anger Here ~ Write it out.🧠Beliefs ~ Unworthiness to Self-Esteem
Sometimes our beliefs are not our truths
“Changing your belief can change your life. Accurate, healthy beliefs about yourself and your world are what make all the difference in the quality of our lives! Dare I say, from experience, our beliefs equal our life.”
~ Page 140
“I did not come to earth with these beliefs. These beliefs were accumulated from my human experiences: good, bad, or ugly! My internal beliefs were the lens, the filter, through which I viewed my life and my world. Thankfully, many of my beliefs have been changed even though I could not go back and change my past events. Since beliefs can be changed, this means you have the potential to change your life going forward.”
~ Page 208
What beliefs about yourself are holding you back?
👫Relationships ~ Confusion to Self-Awareness
"After living through a divorce after 10 years of marriage, plus handling multiple and various divorce situations over my thirty-year real estate career, I have come to believe something significant about relationships. People will leave marriages or long-term relationships even when they still love their partner, but their needs are just not being met or not met any longer. Conversely, people will stay in marriages or relationships even when there is no real love anymore, but their needs are still being met.
In a nutshell, the real truth I have found is our deep needs supersede love in lasting relationships.”
~ Page 195
“Some of us can tell the truth more straightforwardly than others, but we do not do it with love. Others are more loving but do not quite get their real truth all out. This is a supreme goal, to be so conscious of our own value that we are brave enough to speak our heartfelt truth and do it in love for ourselves! Growth is moving toward precisely that: being vulnerable, honest, open, transparent, trusting, and secure enough to express our actual reality, our real needs.”
“Can you be true to yourself when you do not really know your true self?”
~ Page 197
Self-awareness is valuable information
Never be afraid of your own truths
🎈Control ~ Controlling to Trusting
“Control should go…but how? It is a life force in and of itself. Control is imperative, a necessity. It has a grip on you. I needed it. Every person who grew up in an alcoholic home, in my opinion, has an ingrained need for control. This one did not know how to live without it. We control from a place of fear, a fear of not being kept safe, a fear that our needs will not be met. We do not trust others to take care of our needs, whatever they are, so we think we have to do it for ourselves. Thus, we prefer to maintain control. It is an insatiable need for our perceived survival and care.
Going deep, being honest…controllers are full of fear, and under that fear, there is a major absence of trust, no trust!”
~ Page 217
“I remember starting by saying the words out loud. “I trust you.” It felt foreign in the beginning. Whenever I was promised something or expected something from someone, anyone from a close friend to a complete stranger, such as a sales clerk, tradesman, committee member, or client. Looking people in the eye, sometimes shaking their hand, and saying, “I trust you,” is like giving them an excellent reputation to live up to. It is almost like complimenting them in advance, saying you believe them already to be trustworthy. I had to risk being a bit more vulnerable. But I slowly learned this new habit and said, “I trust you,” every chance I could, including saying it to God.”
~ Page 218
Letting go of control makes your life easier
Try to catch yourself... What underlying need/feeling fuels your control?
🍷Alcoholism ~ Addictions to Balance & Wellness
“It felt like I had found a special place, a place where I fit right in. After being in the room and listening to the people share, I realized what I was hearing was ringing true. This all sounds familiar. How could I be fifty-seven years old and not have seen this? I grew up in an alcoholic home. As people shared, they were all telling stories that described my childhood. I remember feeling and thinking, ‘These are my people.’”
~ Page 81
“My father was an alcoholic. His father was an alcoholic. My mother’s father was an alcoholic. The teenage boy I married at eighteen was the child of an alcoholic father. How do you get to fifty-seven years old and not have seen this? It was in my life everywhere, but it was my normal.”
~ Page 83
“So, what was my addiction? I was busy achieving. I was busy being successful. I was busy being a good daughter. I was busy dealing with my two special needs children. I was busy helping my bi-polar husband manage. I was busy out ‘there’. I was successful out ‘there’. It was a real revelation for me when I learned my doing, my busyness, and my success was my addiction. I could not sit still. As long as I kept busy, I did not have to feel my pain.”
~ Page 213
“Low self-esteem allows you, actually gives you permission in your own mind, to put everyone else’s needs ahead of your own. We, women, have such trouble with this. Especially those of us who come from that place of unworthiness, that place of continual people-pleasing.” "We need to come to a point where we believe self-care is not selfish. Self-care is a sign of true self-esteem.”
~ Page 221
It is never too late to face your truths
What is your hidden addiction? Be Honest.
🐕Connection ~ Loneliness to Belonging
“At a John and Paula Sanford Elijah House weekend healing retreat I attended, something became very clear. I can be extremely gentle and comforting with animals; it is with people that I have trouble being that way. For decades, I can honestly say I loved animals more than people. And I know there are other wounded people like me out there who would say the same thing. I asked permission to openly ask that question in a large group session, “How many people here would say they actually love animals more than people?” The headteacher/psychologist was shocked by the number of hands that were raised!”
“You see, as humans, we are designed with a definite need for connection. When we do not grow up with healthy human connections, when we are deprived of connection, some of us will turn to animals for that strong need to be filled.”
~ Page 31
I hug because nobody ever hugged me
Reach out if you need a hug today. ~ Catherine